Take a Leap of Faith

Written May 2017

I never know whether letting my logic take over is always best or not. Or maybe it is best... but it just interferes with the hopes and dreams I long for the most. But maybe it is safer to mindfully plan things out rather than living so elusively. I guess I'd rather that than doing just one exclusively.

Yet with that, I have an inner battle almost every day.

One that tells me to keep one foot on the ground, to think of building a future with a stable crash-mat to fall on when I inevitable try to fly high with my near enough impossible dreams. But it's frustrating when you're itching to jump.

Part of my irritation is that these dreams of freedom are so far only words. Words that have no tangibility to them, and are empty. And that's what really frustrates me. These dreams don't materialise because I'm just far too busy making more work for myself by digging the most strategic and methodical escape route.

I mean, I know I could just DO it. I could just quit where I'm at and indulge in pastures new... but the little angel on my right shoulder is shouting at me to hold on a little longer and do the right thing. While that rebel in me demands to break some boundaries and be unleashed.

So currently I'm in a phase of using my head over heart, though my heart is still glowing. Maybe I'm creating a rod for my back... But I'm building a future that means I won't leave empty handed, and that when I choose to follow my heart, i know I can come back to career that I already started.

I do just wish I had the guts to do what my heart tells me though.

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I left my job two weeks later. Haven't looked back since. (December 2018)